Unfounded, unimaginable, and unintelligent trade rumors, take one

Ah, baseball rumor season. It's that special time of year every November when the purest and most intelligent minds in the country share their all-knowing powers with the national public, predicting exactly where every single free agent will sign and when every single trade will happen without fail. Of course, since this is America and everybody has an opinion, we still have to deal with the dumbasses too:

http://mvn.com/outsider/2008/11/being-the-gm-2009-tampa-bay-rays.html

The first two ideas are fairly logical. The third is fucked up in a way that even the biggest fuckers in the world can't hope to one day fuck up. Andre Ethier is a 26-year-old outfielder who posted an .885 OPS and a 130 OPS+ last year despite Dodger Stadium suddenly becoming a pitcher's park again (95 Park Factor for hitters). He won't hit arbitration until 2010 and is cost-controlled for the next four years.

That last sentence is also true of Andy Sonnanstine. Of course, what's also true about ole' Andy is that he posted a 100 ERA+ and was generally the fourth or fifth best starter on Tampa Bay's staff. Sure, he'll only be 26 on Opening Day 2009, and sure, he only walked 37 batters in 193.1 innings last year. But based on his ERA+, he was an average pitcher, and again, the fourth or fifth best on Tampa Bay's pitching staff. And then you have Chad Bradford, a solid reliever but also one who is 34 years old and will be a free agent at season's end. Does the guy who proposed this really think that trading his team's fifth-best starting pitcher and third-best reliever for one of the best young outfielders in the National League is likely to happen, especially when the Dodgers need offense like Tim McCarver needs brains?

I guess, if you're a Tampa Bay Ray fan (like I really hope this guy is), then making this trade proposal is borderline semi-defensible in a way. But what really kills me is his reason why the Dodgers would do it:

"This will lower the pressure on the Dodgers' outfield situation on their end and boost their pitching staff."

Exactly. The Dodgers' outfield situation would be cleared right up by allowing them to use a CF who hit .158 last year and weighs 900 pounds, as well as a LF who threw .158 last year (you might not know what that means, but trust me it's absolutely terrible) and will get paid $10 million in 2009 to hit zero home runs with a .320 OBP. Yeah, trade Ethier and you'll have nothing to worry about there Dodger fans. And also: acquiring an average starter and a good reliever will not "boost" the pitching staff of the Dodgers, who posted the best team ERA in the National League in 2008.

I can't wait until the New York writers start their rumorfest, predicting that the Yankees will land CC Sabathia and Kobe Bryant while the Mets end up with Manny Ramirez and Barack Obama. Should be a fun few weeks, for sure.