Live-blogging Dodgers-Snakes tonight

With the Dodgers about to go for the National League record for home wins to start a season, I thought this would be the perfect time to try blogging the entire game live. Unfortunately, I also have two loads of laundry going downstairs, so if there's a crucial fair/foul or ball/strike call in the game that goes undescribed because I had to attempt to shove a week's worth of wet and dirty clothes into a tiny dryer, know that I was suffering just as much as you from missing it.

Anyway, on with the proceedings! (This entire thing will be in Mountain Time. Deal with it.)

7:35 pm: We're about a half hour away from the first pitch, with the Dodgers sadly conceding the game before it even begins by benching Juan Pierre, Mark Loretta, Brad Ausmus, and Juan Castro (combined batting average of .392, as noted in yesterday's blog entry). Manny Ramirez, Casey Blake, Russell Martin, and Rafael Furcal will have to make do in their absence. The "second-team" Dodger lineup:

SS Furcal
2B Hudson
LF Ramirez
RF Ethier
1B Loney
C Martin
CF Kemp
3B Blake
P Stults

I know that lineup order doesn't really matter, but...why are Ethier and Loney back to back? In a critical late-game situation, couldn't the Dodger offense be seriously neutralized by a manager ordering an intentional walk of Manny and then bringing in his lefty specialist? Martin's shown signs of busting through as of late; what would be so wrong with switching him and Loney today? Especially against a tough lefty starter? Should a Hall of Fame manager making $4 million a year really have to be questioned this many times before the game even starts? No? I didn't think so.

7:48 pm: The Red Sox-Yankee game is currently showing on ESPN; it's the second inning, at Yankee Stadium, and Phil Hughes is pitching. Anyone want to guess if there's been a home run hit yet? (The answer's yes.)

7:52 pm: I'm now perusing the Dodger minor league system for game updates. The most talented team is either Low-A Great Lakes (SS Devaris Gordon, OF Kyle Russell, C Anthony Delmonico, and P Ethan Martin are all potential top 100 prospects for 2010) or Double-A Chattanooga (featuring 1B/OF Andrew Lambo, easily the best position prospect in the system). Of course, Great Lakes lost 5-1 and Lambo isn't playing today. Go figure.

7:58 pm: Orel Hershiser relates a funny anecdote about Nolan Ryan during the Yankee game. Orel's insightful, intelligent, and funny...so naturally, they bump him to the Monday night games while Joe Morgan continues to give rambling non-analysis for the much-more-hyped Sunday night broadcasts. Gotta love ESPN.

8:01 pm: On a side note, I think Steve Phillips gets a bad rap. My dad's hated him ever since he led those "fake press conferences" for Baseball Tonight a few years ago (which is really much more a reflection on Baseball Tonight than him), and he's definitely not as smart as he thinks he is (ask any Met fan about the "Steve Phillips, General Manager" era and there's a 100% chance that a twelve-letter expletive will be involved)...but he at least knows the game, does research, and gives thoughtful analysis at times. I'll take him over Morgan 100 times out of 100, and I'll take him over Tim McCarver infinity times out of 100.

8:05 pm: Gotta check the laundry. I'll probably miss the first pitch. Hey, I warned you.

8:11 pm: Nope! I got back in time! Felipe Lopez flies out to start the game! More exclamation points!

8:12 pm: You know, I think I could listen to Vin Scully say "it's a lovely 68 degrees" for a solid 200 straight hours. You think I'm lying.

8:15 pm: Conor Jackson doubles down the left-field line with two outs. Manny moves to field the ball like he's wading through pond water. Whatever, he's hitting .349.

8:16 pm: Mark Reynolds hits a grounder to Casey Blake (or Casey "Baker," as Vin Scully calls him; hey, shut up, nobody's perfect), who makes a nice play for the out. Not a bad inning for Stults. That's probably the last time you'll read that sentence tonight.

8:19 pm: Doug Davis has a career 3.04 ERA against the Dodgers; I would have thought the 0 and the 3 would have been switched.

8:20 pm: The most notable thing about Davis, of course, is that he heroically came back from cancer to pitch well at the major-league level. But Vin reminds us of a fact about Davis that only Vin would know: he had four consecutive seasons with a .500 record as a starter. I'd like to hire Vin to narrate my life for a day. No, really.

8:22 pm: Furcal and Hudson ground out, bringing up tonight's feature attraction:

"MAN-NY! MAN-NY! MAN-NY!"

(I'm still not sure if there are any players on the team besides him.)

8:24 pm: Nope. Manny whacks a 3-2 fastball into the seats. 1-0, Dodgers. Of course.

8:25 pm: Wait, there IS another player on the Dodgers??????? Apparently! Andre Ethier drills one into the rightfield bleachers. 2-0 now, as Andre continues to make that one Tampa writer look foolish for proposing an "Andy Sonnanstine for Ethier" trade in the offseason. That article will get 100% funnier every year.

8:26 pm: James Loney is known around Dodger cyberspace (meaning exclusively dodgerblues.com) as "James Pierre" because of his power outage over the last 7 months and counting. Also, for his habit of softly grounding out to end innings, as he just did. 2-0 Dodgers into the second.

8:30 pm: Stults walks Justin Upton leading off the second, bringing up my dad's least favorite player ever, Eric Byrnes. It's a combination of his hair and his idiotic performance at the 2007 All-Star Game that really did him in in my dad's eyes.

8:32 pm: Classic Byrnes play: hits a grounder up the middle that should be an easy double play, only it bounces off Stults' leg and Orlando Hudson can only get one. Byrnes is really David Eckstein with talent, isn't he?

8:35 pm: Hit and runs are stupid, and even when the Dodgers execute them well I'll shake my head and consider myself lucky that something horrible didn't happen. And when another team perfectly executes one against the Dodgers, I feel like whipping my remote out the window. In a related story, the Dbacks now have runners at first and third with one out.

8:37 pm: Some guy named Josh Wilson singles through the left side. 2-1 Dodgers. Oh well, the Stults shutout never had much chance anyway.

8:38 pm: Russell Martin is batting like .111 right now, but you've got to love him for plays like this: Davis drops a bunt down about 2 inches in front of the plate, Martin grabs it and whips it over to third for one, Blake throws it on to first to get Davis by 10 feet. How many times do you see a 2-5-3 double play? About as many times as you hear Joe Morgan say something useful. 2-1 Dodgers going to the bottom of the second.

8:40 pm: Russ leads off in the second. I'll bet anything that he gets on base here. Anything.

8:42 pm: And he walked. Hey, maybe I should broadcast for ESPN. (During the Monday night games, of course.)

8:49 pm: After the Dback shortstop drops an easy double play ball from Matt Kemp, the Dodgers hit and run--and Casey Blake lines into a triple play. No. Really. He did. My remote is now falling from a four-story dorm window.

8:52 pm: Still reeling. The last triple play turned against the Dodgers happened 18 years ago. I'm not sure what to do with that. Also, Eric Stults wouldn't be Eric Stults if he didn't put the first batter on base in the 3rd.

8:55 pm: ESPN breaks into the Sox game with Dodger highlights, showing the first-inning back-to-back homers but strangely not showing the triple play. I'm sure that when Orlando Hudson and Manny both get thrown out at home on a double later on that that'll be all over the Worldwide Leader.

9:00 pm: After hitting the first batter of the inning, Stults gets a pop-up and two grounders to retire the side. The pessimistic Dback fan on dodgerblues' live chat is now on suicide watch.

9:03 pm: Classic Dodger Stadium moment: Stults, leading off the third, connects solidly as the crowd goes wild...followed by the ball being easily caught in medium center field as Charlie Steiner changes his pants.

9:08 pm: Furcal singles to left, followed by Davis being sufficiently rattled that he throws to first three straight times before throwing a wild pitch. Hey, nobody said speed isn't important from a leadoff man. It's just like the 6th or 7th most important thing.

9:10 pm: Orlando Hudson walks, bringing Manny up with two on as Vin describes him as "full of frijoles." Hey, I was just thinking that.

9:13 pm: 3-2 count, crowd in full "MAN-NY! MAN-NY!" mode...and he hits into a double play. Was that GITP really a full-scale momentum killer?

9:16 pm: Scully: "We have some more facts about the triple play, in case you care." Vin, you could talk for 45 minutes about Juan Castro's bowel movements and we would still care. Don't be apologetic.

9:20 pm: Long shot by Byrnes, deep to right center...and Kemp makes a running catch while leaving a giant body imprint in the centerfield wall. If he hadn't single-handedly lost that Giant game last week with two first-inning misplays, I'd be a lot more impressed with his improved fielding this year.

9:22 pm: Random Sox-Yankees Tangent: Johnny Damon and Mark Teixeira both connect for medium-range pop-ups that somehow reach the Yankee Stadium bleachers. That place makes Coors Field seem like Dodger Stadium in 1963. Meanwhile, Stults picks off Justin Upton for the second out before getting a strikeout to end the inning. Maybe I'm being too hard on the guy.

(The Dbacks will now score 16 runs in the fifth.)

9:31 pm: Seemingly everyone on dodgerblues.com is falling over themselves to trade Russell Martin, apparently unaware of the dark days in 2005 when Jason Phillips (!!!!!!!!!) was getting four atbats a game for the big club. The best way I can describe his baserunning is "a thin guy imitating a fat guy's running style." It was pretty embarrassing.

9:32 pm: Of course, Russell strikes out to end the inning. 2-1 Dodgers to the fifth.

9:35 pm: MLB.TV's doing some weird shit where the broadcast is fading in and out, making Vin sound eerily similar to Dick Clark. If that's a joke, Dodger radio team, it's not funny. It's pretty fucking far from funny, actually. Meanwhile, Kemp chases down another long fly ball for the first out in the fifth.

9:38 pm: Stults gets a strikeout and a weak fly ball to end the inning. Through 5 innings, he's only at 72 pitches, which is a decent third-inning total for Clayton Kershaw.

9:40 pm: Vin goes on a weird rant about thumb sucking as the camera pans to several small children in the crowd and every Dodger fan listening to the game nervously clears their throat. You know what? I don't give a shit. Vin, you could talk about thumb sucking for the next four innings and you'll still be a million times more interesting than...well, anybody, really.

9:43 pm: Kemp lines a single to left. I feel like that's his first hit in about six years.

9:44 pm: Blake grounds a single to left that somehow eludes Mark Reynolds, putting runners at first and second for the first time since the triple play. Cue 'Nam-like flashbacks.

9:46 pm: Kemp pulls off a delayed steal of third with Blake holding at first. Now I know that hasn't happened in six years...back when I did it for the Beaverton American Legion District 2A "Bombers." Oh, the glory days.

9:48 pm: Torre stupidly lets Stults swing and miss on 2-1 instead of having him bunt, and then gets bailed out on the next pitch when Stults connects on a medium-range fly ball for a sacrifice fly. 3-1, Dodgers. Guess that's why he's the manager and I'm the blogger.

9:52 pm: Davis wild-pitches Blake to second before walking Rafael Furcal. The Dodgers have been throwing jab after jab all night...they can finally go for the knockout here...they can smell blood...and they have Hudson and Manny due up...and those guys are like .950 career hitters at Dodger Stadium...and the Dbacks are on the ropes...

(So you just know a hit-and-run's coming.)

9:55 pm: I have no idea how you throw Orlando Hudson four straight balls with two runners on and Manny on deck. But it happened. Bases juiced, one out, Manny coming up, Doug Davis going out, Jon Rauch coming in, and the Dodgers T-minus one pitch away from either breaking the game open or fucking up the best opportunity they've had all night. And of course, the radio team screws up and forces the "Dick Clark Scully" voice on me.

9:57 pm: "High fly ball, deep to center field, back goes Young, a way back..."

9:57 pm: "...with room at the wall."

9:59 pm: But seriously...if that ball hits 1/900th of an inch closer to the fat part of Manny's bat, it's gone. And I love you ManRam, but please only preen at the plate when you're absolutely sure that you hit a home run. Damn it all. Oh well, 4-1 Dodgers on the sac fly.

10:03 pm: Ethier works a walk, followed by Loney striking out to end the inning. Can we get Juan Pierre a first baseman's glove, please?

10:04 pm: Checking on the laundry. If I miss anything, know that it was so I have clean socks to wear tomorrow. Noble cause, I know.

10:14 pm: Figures that I would return to find the lead cut to 4-2 (on a Mark Reynolds homer) with a runner on first (via a single by Justin Upton, chasing Stults) and with Ronald Belisario coming in (a virtual certainty to give up a 450-foot laser beam to Eric Byrnes). Laundry breaks suck.

10:16 pm: Belisario somehow induces an inning-ending groundout from Byrnes. 4-2 Dodgers headed to the sixth, with me wondering how a quadruple play would be possible.

10:22 pm: After a Martin single, the Dodgers hit and run with Kemp fouling the ball off at the plate. Will Joe Torre ever learn that hit and runs are very, very, very risky and therefore incredibly dumb? No? Didn't think so.

10:25 pm: I'm still reeling from my trip to the laundry room, mainly the elevator portion of it. There's so much dried piss, vomit, spit, and God knows what else on the floors of dorm elevators that any direct contact with them would probably make your skin melt. Well, this time, there was an actual pool of liquid taking up half of the elevator floor. It looked like plain water, but knowing that it was a dorm elevator, I couldn't help but think about all the, um, "other possibilites." Needless to say, I jumped off the elevator as soon as humanly possible.

10:26 pm: Kemp doubles to left, bringing home Martin. I wonder how you say "Slump busted" in Bison talk. 5-2 Dodgers, as Rauch leaves along with 35,000 of the Dodger fans in attendance.

10:32 pm: Casey Blake strikes out (after being ahead in the count 3-0 at one point), but on the third strike, Kemp steals third for the second time this game. He's baaaaaaaaaaaack.....

10:34 pm: Finally, a real hitter! Mark Loretta comes up, pinch hitting for Belisario. A base hit is imminent.

10:35 pm: The Arizona pitcher moves Loretta's bat with his mind and forces him to offer at a 1-2 pitch a foot off the plate. That wasn't Mark's fault. No way, no how. As far as I know, he's still hitting .391.

10:37 pm: I really hope that, 50 years from now, the only thing Josh Wilson will remember about this game is the fantastic play he made to start a triple play. I say this because he just rushed a throw from shortstop to first, resulting in Tony Clark having to come off the bag and Rafael Furcal being safe at first. Kemp scores from third, and it's 6-2. The remaining 10,000 fans in attendance take off to beat the traffic as 10,000 new ones arrive late to take their place.

10:39 pm: The O Dog flies out to center. Nine outs to go, and history will be made at the Ravine. Hopefully, Guillermo Mota won't be involved in any way. 6-2 Dodgers to the seventh.

10:42 pm: Torre brings in Mota. Unbelievably believable.

10:47 pm: With one out, the Dbacks' #8 hitter ropes a double off the wall. Try to contain your surprise.

10:49 pm: Mota actually strikes someone out. Sure, it was Tony Clark, but I'll take it. And on that, after Mota's most successful outing in like 3 years, Torre decides to pull him with two outs in the inning to bring in Wade. Your guess is as good as mine.

10:54 pm: Yet Another Random Red Sox-Yankees Tangent: Do you think Jonathon Papelbon's buddies ever give him shit for that ridiculous "intense look" thing he does right before he throws a pitch? You know, when they're not sleeping in his mansion or riding in his Porsche?

10:55 pm: Wade gets a strikeout to end the inning. Again, be glad I'm not managing the Dodgers. Bottom of the seventh coming up, as I'm about to go against everything I believe about broadcasters by muting Vin for a bit to listen to the rest of the Yankees-Sox game. Vin, if we ever meet, suffice it to say that I'm never telling you this story.

10:59 pm: 6-4 Sox, two guys on, one out, bottom of the ninth, Mark Teixeira up. Steve Phillips: "If Teixeira hits one out here, he will be well on his way to becoming a Yankee." If I'm not mistaken, that event already occurred in late December, but hell, I don't work for ESPN, so I guess I don't know shit. (Can I take back what I said earlier about Phillips, by the way?)

11:02 pm: Tex K's, bringing up Swisher as the Yankees' last hope. Can you hear that? It's the sound of the Red Sox-Yankees rivalry finally, officially turning toward Boston after like 1,000 years of New York ruling. Sucks to be a pinstriper these days.

11:07 pm: Huge brain lapse by the Sox: the two Yankee runners on base steal to put the tying runs in scoring position, and Varitek is caught so far off guard that he can't even make a throw. That's followed by Swisher hitting a monstrous drive to right that goes foul, and then working Papelbon for a walk to load the bases. Drama!

11:09 pm: A dodgerblues member characterizes Papelbon's intense look as his "rape face." I'm pretty sure that's funny somehow. Meanwhile, Papelbon blows away Robby Cano to end the game as the entire population of Boston prepares their taunting emails. Great game.

11:11 pm: Back to the Dodger game. Right now, the bases are loaded with one out. According to Yahoo!, Manny Ramirez led off with a hit-by-pitch, followed by an Ethier single, a Loney flyout with Manny moving to third, and a Martin walk. And according to the dodgerblues chat, Manny got hit by the ball square on the ass. Bet anyone $50 that Juan Pierre is in left at the start of the eighth.

11:13 pm: Anyone surprised that the Dodgers battled and rallied while my attention was on the Yankees-Sox game, and then immediately went dead (via a Matt Kemp double-play grounder) when I turned back? If you are, you shouldn't be. 6-2 Dodgers, going to the eighth.

11:19 pm: Three quick outs for Wade in the eighth, who's looked simply dominant since his return from the DL. Still, until the Dodgers trade for Jonathon Papelbon, the mass media will keep saying that their bullpen is full of can't-hack-it-pantywastes. (A Sandlot reference! Ha!)

11:20 pm: Bottom of the eighth at Dodger Stadium. And you know what that means...

11:21 pm: "STRAAAAANGERS.....WAAAAAAAAITIN.....UP AND DOWN THE BOULLLLLLLLLLLLEVARD.....THERE'S SHAAAAAAAAAAADOWS.....SEAAAAAAAAAAAARCHIN.....IN THE NIIIIIIIIIIGHT.....STREEEEEEETLIGHT.....PEEEEEEEEEEOPLE.....LIVIN JUST TO FIND EMOTION.....HIDIN.....SOOOOOMEWHERE IN THE NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT....."

11:25 pm: After Casey Blake leads with a walk, Juan Pierre comes up. I wonder how many times he's dreamnt of murdering Andre Ethier this year.

11:26 pm: Beast Mode flies out to center, bringing up Rafael Furcal. If somebody would have told me back in March that Martin, Furcal, and Blake would all be batting under .260 in early May, I'd ask them how much Giant fans were ejaculating over being in first place for the first time in 20 years. Yet somehow, the Dodgers are three outs away from moving to 19-8 and setting the National League record for consecutive home victories to open a season. Just Manny being Manny, I guess (remember, him and Nomar are the only two guys on the Dodgers).

11:30 pm: Vin takes a slight shot at LA fans, pointing out that many of them are likely to leave after this inning because there'll probably be no chance of seeing Manny again. Even Vin knows that his team's fanbase is a joke. Is there anything we can do about this?

11:33 pm: Hudson singles to right, as thousands of parents in the crowd huff and puff over having to stay an extra two minutes to watch Manny's atbat with their kids.

11:35 pm: Manny ices the game with a double down the line. 7-2 Dodgers, as Manny looks up from second base to find the stands completely empty with tumbleweeds rolling down the aisles.

11:36 pm: Jonathon Broxton and rookie Brent Leach are both warming in the pen. I'd like to see Leach make his first major-league appearance here, but then again 100% of my hunches in this game have been wrong, so...bring on Broxton?

11:39 pm: Broxton comes in. Naturally.

11:43 pm: Well, I was wrong (right?): Broxton absolutely freezes Upton on an unhittable slider for the first out of the inning. That'll probably make the Top 500 on Baseball Tonight's "That's Nasty" later on in the evening.

11:45 pm: Thanks in great part to ESPN, probably 4 baseball fans outside of the greater Los Angeles area know who Jonathon Broxton is. In a related story, he just blew away some dude named Ryan Roberts on a high 98-mph heater. You get the feeling that he'll have to save 85 consecutive games before ESPN starts wondering to themselves, "Hey, what's the name of that fat dude who pitches for the Lakers?"

11:46 pm: Miguel Montero is the Dbacks' final hope, and he's extinguished quickly, grounding to second to end the game. Final score: Dodgers 7, Diamondbacks 2.

And just like that, a new (National League) record is set, for consecutive home victories to start a season. On Tuesday, the Dodgers will try to break the modern-day MLB record of 11 straight home wins to open a season set by the 2003 Royals. On Wednesday, assuming they win Tuesday, the Dodgers will try to break the all-time record of 12 straight home wins to open a season set by the 1911 Detroit Tigers (ironically, the first team that Joe Torre managed). And on Thursday, Matt Kemp and Andre Ethier will combine for 8 home runs and still not get mentioned by name during the first half hour of Baseball Tonight. Good times all around!