Sometimes Red Sox fans are just the best

Fourth inning, Wednesday Night Baseball, The Greatest Rivalry In The History Of Sports playing on The National Brett Favre Sports Network. It's 4-2 in favor of the Boston Sam Malones, with the New York Jerry Seinfelds threatening with runners on first and second with two out. As Johnny Damon steps in to face Tim Wakefield, my Sox-loving stepdad casually observes, "Come on Wake! You're our ace!"

Now, of course, I was faced with a tough decision: Exactly which argument should I use to make my elder look completely foolish?

a. Josh Beckett: 3.77 ERA. Tim Wakefield: 4.50 ERA.
b. Josh Beckett: 1.30 WHIP. Tim Wakefield: 1.43 WHIP.
c. Josh Beckett: 76 strikeouts and 32 walks in 76.1 innings. Tim Wakefield: 41 strikeouts and 32 walks in 72 innings.
d. Josh Beckett: 8.96 K/9. Tim Wakefield: 5.13 K/9.
e. Josh Beckett: STF rating of 27. Tim Wakefield: STF rating of 4.

Wakefield does have an edge in defense-adjusted ERA (3.59 to 3.70). But it's very, very, very clear that Josh Beckett is the Red Sox' ace, and Tim Wakefield is not.

Of course, I went with "f: none of the above" and meekly muttered, "Wait, what about Beckett?" as my stepdad proceeded to contradict me by talking about reasons why Wakefield was good (while failing to mention defense-adjusted ERA because, well, he's a normal person and not a blogging stat geek). Rick Sutcliffe then made a remark that insinuated in some way that Wakefield wasn't very good, and naturally my stepdad spent the rest of the half-inning pimping Wake every chance he got while also (to my immense joy) berating Sut every time he said anything.

Here's what I'm trying to say: Bandwagon Red Sox fans who wear yellow Sox hats and think Pedro Martinez is still on the team can all fall on a cactus. But Red Sox fans like my stepdad? They're the best.