Wins:Vital Baseball Statistic::Wisdom Teeth:Vital Body Organ

Example:

Gavin Floyd: 17 wins in 2008
Johan Santana: 16 wins in 2008

Who was the better pitcher? Right, the guy with fewer wins. Here's another one.

Jon Garland: 14 wins in 2008
Scott Kazmir: 12 wins in 2008

Again, not even close.

Cy Young Award example: In 2005, Johan Santana was the best, most dominant pitcher on the planet (2.87 ERA, 45 walks against 238 Ks in 231.2 IP, 0.97 WHIP), although coming in a somewhat close second was Mariano Rivera (0.87 WHIP, .177 BAA, 50 hits allowed in 78.1 IP, 18 walks against 80 Ks). But Bartolo Colon, checking in at 8th in the AL in ERA and 8th in strikeouts and probably not one of the two best pichers on his own team, won the Cy Young Award because his bullpen was good enough to preserve 21 wins for him.

Starting to see how ridiculous this is? It's like Fire Joe Morgan always said: "If a pitcher gives up 19 runs in 5 innings but his team scores 20, he gets a win, and if a pitcher gives up 1 run in 9 innings but his team scores 0, he gets a loss. Wins are an absolutely terrible way to measure pitchers. Hatguy needs to choke on an ice cream sundae."

Why do I bring this up now? Oh, only because Clayton Kershaw pitched the most dominant seven innings of his career last night, striking out 13 and giving up just one hit and one run...and failed to get the win. Why? Because the Dodgers somehow managed just one run in a first inning where they got two hits and three walks, and then only scored one more run for the next six innings. So when Hong-Chih Kuo took over for Clay in the top of the eighth, the Dodgers had only a 2-1 lead. Kuo promptly hit a batter and then gave up a single, putting runners at the corners with no outs. Joe Torre then wisely chose not to use one of his three best available relievers in the tightest of tight spots, bringing in unproven rookie Ronald Belisario, and Aaron Rowand's three-run homer was practically inevitable.

Belisario then got out of the inning, and the Dodgers tied the game in the bottom of the eighth. Jonathon Broxton threw a great top of the ninth and the Dodgers won it in the bottom of the inning, so the win went to JB. Who pitched very well, yes...but for one inning, whereas Kershaw pitched very well for seven innings. Who was more deserving of the win? Exactly. And who got credited with the win? Exactly.

I think we should go American Idol on this win-crediting business; have a panel of baseball guys watch the entire game (with the panel preferably including one insufferable British jackass and one semi-attractive cougar who always seems drunk), and then have all of the pitchers who pitched from the winning team bow down in front of them at game's end and get empty, stupid, unhelpful feedback about their performances for 55 God-awful minutes before finally learning who really "won" the game. Hey, it's a solution. So long as Ryan Seacrest remains 10,000 miles away from it at all times.